The way we speak to each other is a critical aspect of godly living. Yet controlling our speech is quite difficult and appears rarely discussed.
With biblical input and thinking, we will find it much easier to speak in a fashion that loves people and pleases God. However, biblical speech patterns do not come naturally. How do we do it? Here are some hints:
Consider first, speech is not about you – Have you ever noticed that people generally talk about themselves, even at church? However, unless we really need someone else to bear our burdens (Galatians 6:2) speech should not be about us but about the other person (Ephesians 4:29). Biblical speech should address other people’s needs. This is a huge transformation in thinking for many of us but it’s an important first step to converse with others as God would desire.- Realize you have much to give – Remember, the Bible is true and good for anyone who hears it (please see the Teleios website for scientific proof). Therefore, when you are speaking scripture and its truth, commending, being thankful, and praising God, you are using your speech as a powerful tool to help others.
- Think before you speak – Prior to meeting with somebody consider specific ways that you can express gratitude, commendation and encouragement. Planning ahead may not seem natural to some. However, if we don’t consider encouragement ahead of time then generally it will not happen. Be specific in your commendation and thankfulness; the more precise the better.
- Spiritually, plan ways to encourage a friend or colleague in Christ, whether by discussing an applicable Bible verse, teaching other people (formally or informally), sharing answered prayed or even imparting the gospel if needed.
- We are all busy, but if we don’t consider positive biblical speech ahead of time, we generally won’t do it. Think about it!Several other key points:
- Remember the good things that God has done in the other person’s life. It is much easier to speak positively to somebody if you’re thinking good things about them.
- Pray for the people with whom you converse. Again, it is much harder to be mad at somebody or think negatively about them when you’re praying for them and God’s will in their lives.
Build a solid relationship – This is vital as people need to know that you genuinely like and respect them. There are many books on the subject and perhaps the best starter is the classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. You can buy a cheap used copy (or download a copy) at Amazon. It is frightfully easy to read and apply. Do it!- Ask questions – If you do not know how to encourage someone, then ask them questions or search their on-line presence!
- People love attention. The more questions you ask, and the deeper the follow-up questions, presented in an interested and genuine way, the more you will learn about your colleague, spouse, boss, friend or new acquaintance. They will think you are wonderful, and the extra knowledge will help you better pray for them as well as help and encourage them.
- Important note: You don’t have to respond to the above questions, it is better that you mostly just listen initially and gather information, again showing you respect for their opinions.
- Build a solid spiritual relationship– This can be done by simply asking them about benign religious topics, progressing through such questions as:
- General questions about their life, family, and work., Follow up with more specific questions based on what they initially tell you. Show interest! Listen!
- General questions about their religious background, such as “Were you raised in the church and what denomination? Did you like the church? Was it a good social environment?”
- Go deeper; ask “what do you think about religious-based political issues such as Christian persecution? Does religion or the church help our culture?”
- Ask their opinion about a challenging Bible verse, or a difficult doctrine like baptism or predestination.
- Ask questions to help them based on everything that you have heard. Perhaps inquire about their security of salvation, then you could ask them about in the applicable verse such as in Ephesians 1:13-14 or 1 Peter 1:4-5. If for example they mention they struggle in their marriage, you could direct them to Ephesians 5:20-32.
- Final step, biblical speech – Use the information that you have gathered about a person to consider how to help them with your speech.
- How can you express specific commendation or thankfulness for them in their character or actions?
- How can you encourage them in scripture?
- How can you push them on to greater Christian growth or actions?
Bonus section – What not to say! Here are some speech habits to avoid:
- Just don’t talk about yourself. Generally, mention your personal stories as an example only if needed to clarify. If you do tell a story, then keep it short to the pertinent details. and refocus back on the other person as soon as you can.
- Do not interrupt except in rare circumstances when you really need to move the conversation forward.
- Do not criticize the person with whom you are speaking. If you must, and there’s no other option, then do so framed with commendation and appreciation for the person’s other attributes.
- Do not criticize or talk about people not in the conversation unless you have a specific goal in creating a plan to help that person. Do not say anything about someone you would not say to their face.
- Do not complain unless you’re making a specific plan of action to help resolve the issue surrounding the complaint.
- Watch that sense of humor, especially with people that you do not know who might take offense with your joking particularly in this very sensitive age. Never make somebody else, or a group, the object of a joke.
- Do not dominate the conversation. When somebody mentions something about themselves do not turn the conversation immediately back to yourself just to immediately relate your experience or opinion.
- Do not make points by telling long stories. Say your point succinctly and move on. Use an example story only if you must clarify your point.
- Do not repeat your statements. Say your point once and stop, allowing the other person to speak. Dead air time is okay; you don’t have to fill up every moment with speech.
- Do not exaggerate.
- Do not make sweeping or specific judgments that you cannot defend.
Teleios Research
Teleios recently evaluated adolescents and millennials regarding their speech. The survey was promoted on the Christian Instagram accounts, InstaPray and GodsHolyScriptures. Of the 215 participants the majority were: female (52%), <30 years old (93%), from the United States (83%), and evangelical (68%).
The top 3 responses are listed below (Tables 1-5) and show a strong minority, at least on a list provided by a survey, are cognizant of the need to help others with speech and to discuss our great God with others.
In summary, biblical speech is key to a functioning, effective loving body of Christ. That is not to say that we should talk all the time about godly things, encouraging others and expressing gratitude. However, we should endeavor to keep the environment in which we meet people controllable and generate enough profitable speech that the overall atmosphere is productive and biblically based, even if you’re discussing football and recipes at the same time.
